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26 February 2009 @ 11:01 am
As I was driving home from doing my grocery shopping I started thinking about why I want to make more money. The answer is pretty clear. Money has two distinct advantages.
1. worry is drastically reduced.
Of course some people find other things to worry about like their weight, their healthy, their children etc, etc. but where the next meal is coming from and how to afford new shoes is no longer an issue.
2. ability for enjoyment is increased.
That's not to say that anyone with money will use that advantage. But the ability is there. People find enjoyment in lots of different ways, and yet almost everything has at least a small price tag attached. Even a family picnic involves paying for petrol and food. And some people find enjoyment by helping others (I know I do). With money on hand that is easier. Just look at Oprah Winfrey. She gets an enormous amount of joy out of helping others and she herself said that she has the ABILITY to make things happen because of her wealth.

Yes, yes, it is possible to exist in life with less money. And there are millions of people out there living in very basic conditions. Some may even choose a more simple life to reduce worry and increase enjoyment.

But it doesn't change the fact that more money usually opens doors.

I consider myself extremely fortunate that I live in a country where comfortable living is considered the norm. I don't NEED anything else. If I can remember that next time I want something, I'm fairly certain I'll live a happy life.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
08 October 2008 @ 10:19 pm

This question was asked at a NaNo forum, and I gave the following answer;

I know exactly how you feel.
I agree with soem of the other voices here. Put it aside. Except I say put it aside until you've lost interest in in, and then come back. Fo rme that usually takes a month or two, just recently I left something I thought was looking great (but I'd had a few people say it wasn't good enough). I put it on the shelf for over 6 months and when i came back to look at it, it was like looking at someone elses works so it was really easy to see what was good and what could be improved. So I was able to edit without tears. Actually now that I think about it I've done that three times iin total so far and each time I recognise that the first draft has improved.

I think you are far too close to your work to see it properly, take a step back.
Because from an outsiders view point what you have written is well constructed and interesting.

Oh and that brings to mind another way to help yourself enjoy your work. Read some really bad writing. That's right. Go to fiction press or Deviant Art or where ever young writers put up their work and you will find work that can really use improvement. Improve your writing skills by making some really helpful (gentle - remember they are learning) suggestions. I did this recently and it really helped me see just how far I've come in the last two years. You'll probably find a few gems in there as well. Look up to them, sure , but don't compare yourslef too closely to them. Writers come with all kinds of talents, in all kinds of levels, and with all kinds of interests. The thing they have in common (any this is definitely you); they just have to write.

Nano could be really good for you (as I suspect it will be great for me too). Write fast and write loads, and don't look back on it until Dec.

But most importantly remember you do it because you enjoy it, the results should be secondary. (hmmm, I think I need to pin that up on my own wall).

I wanted to post it here to remind myself of my own advice!

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
24 September 2008 @ 05:12 pm

That is to say, my school term is over and I'm on holidays!!!!! Two lovely weeks of not having to drive for at least 45 minutes to work and drag cords around, and control unruly children. LOL Now I have only my own two children to control. Ha Ha

I do have a few things I need to finish ... like my children's book Fairy god Mother Trouble. Except I'm thinking of naming it The Fairy Godmother Surprise, because they don't actually get into too much trouble. The poor illustrator has been waiting all month for me to send her the last four chapters.

Tonight I'm having Subway for dinner and I might even let me hair down enough to eat some chocolate ... gasp!!!

It's amazing what difference a few days can make - I was so depressed a few days ago.

Current Mood: relievedrelieved
23 September 2008 @ 05:04 pm
Last night my daughter was complaining that everything had gone wrong in her day (because there were no CDS in the car) and I tried to remind her that there had been some good things that had happened. Afterwards it occured to me I was being a hypocrite - that I was seeing much of the negative in my day myself without looking for the positive.

So what is positive in my life right now?

I have a job. It's a part time job so that I earn some money for us to have luxuries, but I still have plenty of time in my week for the other things that need to be done when you have a family.

I have a wonderful mother who is there if the kids are sick when I have to go to work, and she picks them up on Monday afternoons because I can't get home in time to do it myself.
My in-laws are great too, picking the kids up on Tuesday afternoons because I can't get home in time to do it myself.

My home is in a lovely area that is low in crime and high in air quality.

I live in a country where I can go and buy the food I need and turn on a tap when I want water. I can make a phone call and organise to see a health professional if I have a minor issue and i would be rushed to hospital and seen straight away if it was life threatening.

And yet I still feel sad. It makes me feel even sadder that I take these things for granted.

Yep. I still feel shitty.
22 September 2008 @ 05:45 pm
I suspect this started at a very young age - this seeking of comfort.

When I was a lot younger I gained comfort from pretending to be someone else. I would dress up when no one was home and be someone important, a princess or the longer for lover. Sometimes I would draw and try to put some of my longing into the images, and other times I would write.

In those days it was a feeling of wanting to be loved - of wanting to be important in someone's life.

It changed when I got married and then had children.

But I still seek comfort.

I'm not even sure what it is I seek to be comforted from. Sometimes I get anxious that I won't cope with my daily lot. Other times I fear that my life is going nowhere - that I am not important enough; that I'm not successful enough.

One way I get comfort is to write ... in this blog. So I must appologise for the depressing tone of this blog, but it really does help me (there's probably not too many people out there reading this anyway.LOL

Sometimes painting gives me some comfort and sometimes needlework.

Sleeping gives me a great deal of comfort - but my counsellor tells me that it really escapism. And I suppose movies are escapism too.

Am I the only one out there that needs to comfort myself?
Current Mood: moodymoody
15 August 2008 @ 09:12 pm
What are my motives for writing?
Lately they have been to write something good enough to be published. But the last few days I've seen just how stressful and destructive this can be. 
When I write for my children I get a better sense of purpose and also much quicker gratification. I know I'll continue to do that.
I hardly ever write for myself (well not fiction anyway - I write in my diary or blogs often. i'm sure I'll continue to do that). Sometimes I write for friends, but the motivation isn't as strong and I often don't finish those stories. that leads to guilt. Guilt that I'm letting my friends down.

And why am I writing this (because I'm sure there are very few, if any who read my blog)? Because I want to. I like getting thoughts out of my head. It feels very peaceful. i suppose it's liek a form of meditation.

today I had to struggle with not wanting to turn every idea I had into profit (and I have a lot of ideas, a few every day usually ... most of them never come to fruition of any kind, a few make it to the idea book and very rare is the idea I act upon.) I read a very good passage in 'Simple Abundance' (Sarah ban breathnach) today that basically said the very best artworks (of all kinds) are the ones that the artist pores their souls inot, not worrying about how they are received. that is what I will be aiming for. It's a terrific book that one, I'd suggest it to anyone who is looking for peace from everyday life.
13 August 2008 @ 10:21 am
I've just realised mine has cost me a lot for very little return.
My dream of working from home has cost me: 12 years of worrying about money, unknown amount of money in buying ;things I need to get started' and also money to buy things to try and make me feel happier, lord only knows how much time wiht my kids (which is the most ironic because it was supposed to give me more time with them), and countless sleepless nights.

But I want to look at the positive as well.
The pursuit of my dream to work from home has brought me: skills, experience, friends, wisdom and knowledge.

The dream has not become a reality, but I won't say it wasn't worth pursuing.

You know, thinking about it, I often said to myself 'I'd give just about anything to be able to work from home'. Of course I always gave myself a way out because I'd never give up my soul, my kids lives or silly things like that. But would I have given 9000 sleepless nights? Or 3700 smacks on my kids bottoms because I'm tired and frustrated and they are fighting? Almost certainly not. 

Yet I am very thankful I have grown a little today. I am very thankful i've lived through another day and made another discovery for myself (because you can be told and told, but you don't learn until you've experienced it).

Today i am thankful I had the courage to chase my dream and the wisdom to know what I achieved.
12 August 2008 @ 04:32 pm
I just don't think I can do it.
I've tried all day just to write and not worry too muhc about the quality - to try and make 2000 words in one day. I've only written 964. It's taken me hours. 
I want this so badly. I want my writing to be accepted by a publisher and to make it into a full time writing career. That's why I'm struggling. Becasue it means so much to me. 

Those who subscribe to the theroy of abundance know that in order to have this I need to let it go and jsut realise that it WILL be. They would tell me that my desperation is blocking me. How do I let go???
12 August 2008 @ 08:31 am
81 days to go until the first of November.
Who is doing NaNo this year and who has done it before? Are there NaNo groups at livejournal? i'm sure there are, I might seek some out.

I'm such a dag I've been practicing. Yes practicing. Not writing anything of  the novel I'll be working on in November, but trying to write as much as I can in one day without getting bogged down in quality. And I can tell you I'm not doing so well. The most I've managed so far is 1000 words. But maybe I'll break through that barrier today.
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23 June 2008 @ 06:48 pm

Last night my husband and I had planned to go and see the Socceroos play but we never made it into the ground. Mike's parents called us before we got to the gates to tell us James had had another seizure. It's been almost 2 years since his last one.

The really worrying thing was that James didn't even have a high temperature.

It was a temperature spike that caused the last one and the doctor said that sometimes kids who have grown out of infantile epilepsy (like james) can have it resurge at puberty. Well James is just that age (and starting to grow a little moutache - can you believe it?).

We caught a taxi from the stadium to the hospital (cost us a fortune!) and then after about 3 hours of observations they let us go home. He is off school for a few more days and we will have to go to his pediatrition for more tests on Thursday. My husband had today off work and I have tomorrow off - we are hoping he will be well enough for school on Wednesday so we can both go to work. Mike is in the middle of a huge project, and the company I work for has huge troubles replacing educators for time off. I was very lucky to get Tomorrow.

So anyway, the short of it is - I'm exhausted, and so is Mike. There will be no energy for creative things for a little while.